01

Crystal Ball

“So where do you see yourself in the next 3 years?” he asked me.  The question caught me off guard since I’d been so preoccupied with my “right now” situations.  Three years?!  S**t, where was I gonna be in 3 weeks?!  It was at that moment I realized I was stunting my growth a bit and not being as productive as I could be because I was too worried about the present instead of thinking about and going hard for my future.  Now don’t get me wrong, I do at least one thing everyday, most days, to get closer to my goals and dreams.  But what if I took the energy I spent wondering, stressing and picking apart every little aspect of my “relationships”,  my financial situations, my job- which is cool- but is merely work….what if I took all the energy I expend on worrying and put it towards penning a really honest song, or thinking of concepts for videos, or planning on how to flip this pop-music money?  Would I get where I’m trying to go faster?  Would I be less stressed?  Would my motivation skyrocket?

I’ve learned this about myself in recent years- I’m not afraid to try new things.  I’m not too afraid to do just about anything.  My fear lies in actually getting the things that I shoot for.  I want this deal so bad…but what happens when we sign those papers and get that check?  No more excuses on why my body aint waaay on point.  No more sleeping in cause I’m tired.  If I’ve gotta be somewhere, I’d better be there, no matter if I’m tired, sick, or just on one.  I say I want a boyfriend?  Okay, well what happens when I’m at the studio ’til 5am and I don’t call and he calls me spazzing the following morning.  How do I explain that “it is what it is” and expect him to get it?  He won’t be trying to hear that, I’m sure.  There’s a saying that (loosely) goes:  “Our greatest fear isn’t that we’re inadequate.  It is that we are powerful beyond our wildest dreams.”  I’m definitely paraphrasing, but you get the pic.  As it goes, be careful what you ask for because you just might get it.

Going back to the question posed to me…that simple little question got me thinking, “What exactly is that you want, Mylah?”  I wondered just how bad I wanted certain things, and if I wanted others at all.  I paused for a long moment, and I responded that professionally I wanted to secure a solid deal with Melrose, and achieve a level of success that would allow me to branch off and do other things musically within 5 years, like more writing, a solo project, maybe building my own studio facility where younger artists could record themselves and attack their own dreams.  Maybe hosts open mics.  Tour the country with a more soulful-funky sound and a live band.  Just be able to happily do music and not have to get onstage at age 40 with a 6-pack, dancing around trying to compete with the newest 20-year-old singing sensation.  Personally, I’d see myself in a serious, committed relationship within 3 years.  I’m very much over dating for the most part- though I am “dating” to try and find the one I’m supposed to be with.  Contrary to my former belief, he isn’t gonna find me if I’m in the house surfing the web, chilling on crackspace, and bitching about how I can’t find anyone who “gets me” (lol).

He said he’d never heard me express myself like that and it was interesting to say the least.  I felt like I was naked in front of a crowd because I’m not used to broadcasting my dreams.  Maybe in blog or song form, not in conversation.  It was interesting to me, too, but also somewhat liberating.  Something about putting words and ideas out in the atmosphere that makes them feel more real. If I said it and professed it, it had to be real and true and about to happen, right?

So while he gained some insight, I gained something as well…the realization that I need to keep a continued focus on the needed steps to get each of those things I’d talked about  popping instead of thinking “Why am I alone tonight?”  “Why can’t I just say yes/no?”  “Why is this not happening NOW?”  Those are such the non-issues in the grand scheme of things.  And non-issues have no place in the makings of this girl.