HazyCrazy in Love
Posted: December 11, 2009 at 1:08 am
I’ve always been good at creating stories. Ever since I was a little girl, I’d write poems, short stories and songs. Because I saw early in life how f**ked up life situations could be, I got pretty savvy at making things look rosier than they perhaps were.
In love, though, I’ve always been the pessimist. My first puppy-love/crush thingy resulted in him becoming involved with one of my close friends. Strike One. My first love/love resulted in him still boo’ing up with his ex, lying about it, me staying, and him continuing that. Strike Two. My last shot at relationship stability resulted in him springing 3 “surprise children” on me that I didn’t even know existed. Yikes! Strike Three…that heart s**t is that bulls**t.
Well, that’s how I used to think anyway.
Fast-forward a few years. I’m much more open now to love. Almost all the way open. I want to be the epitome of the type of love I want reciprocated back to me. I don’t want to slip back into the closed off, cold person I was before because I actually DO believe in real, forever love. Sometimes this idealism has led me to ignore things, or paint rosy pictures of situations like I used to do when I was little when writing those stories. Other times, I’d just run away because I’d rather throw in the towel and justify it by saying, “This fool is just like the rest of those fools before!” But I don’t want to be like that. Neither of those coping mechanisms get you far in love.
Admittedly, I don’t really know how to not do those 2 things. I mean…okay, we talk it out…then what? What do I do with the not-so-pleasant feelings? My natural tendency is to “teach lessons,” but my personal growth makes me want to love unconditionally now. How do you do that without playing yourself? I’ve grown out of the game playing phase. I’m nowhere near selfish like I used to be. I’m quite selfLESS. And being vindictive just seems childish at this point in life. Plus, how can you be that way with someone you genuinely love?
Grrrr….this is a process.
The Discussion
see what everyone is saying
So not trying to get into your biz mami…but I think you should date BMC.
From the outside looking in–y’all seem like a match.
Aw, you think so?
definitely….
now–trust–I do–want him for myself! (laughs)
but since that’s not meant to be… (laughs)
he’s sweet. you’re sweet. and you know friends make the best……….
besos.
y I want to add one more thing…
you’ve heard this before–but it goes w/o saying: to take a chance on love is the bravest thing that one can ever do.
i really believe that our first love is always that “pure” love–we know love can hurt us and heartbreak can exist, but we don’t truly understand what that means–what that feels like–until we’re hurt. badly. and once we’re hurt badly–we dress up in defensive, chain mail armor–all to protect us, our heart. I know the efficient way of loving–to ensure that you never get hurt–is to make sure the person that you love–loves you mas than you love them. but i don’t want that type of love–that type of amor feels false.
what i believe is this–you’re smart–you have gut instinct–and if it feels as if you should take that chance on love—if said individual is worth of your unconditional, 100% love—then you should be brave.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvKmvuHnVP4