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Happy Face

…just because this song always makes me smile

01

Epiphany

As I was lying in bed coughing my lungs out, I had an epiphany. Partly because I was alone and awake at the crazy hour of 5am, and partly because my church is doing a series called “Desperate Love” and it’s been kinda poking at my heart and my thoughts lately.

My epiphany was that I LOVE/CARE EXTREMELY HARD. Maybe too hard for my own good. I’m very afraid of being hurt, so I often guard my emotions with lock-n-key, knife, gun, and grenades (lol). But my heart is extremely passionate, so when I decide to go in, I GO IN. This has been true for my relationships, career, and overall life. On the surface, I’m cool as a fan and often times seem totally unaffected by people, by life, by circumstance, etc. I’m even-keel and keep my poker face tight. But usually on the inside, I’ve got a thousand and one things going on and my mind’s constantly turning. That phrase “still waters run deep?” That’s all me, all day.

Some people know this personally. Some may have gotten a glimpse…whether it be in a positive form (me loving on them extra hard, them being on the receiving end of my loyalty, etc.) or negative form (me being super ass-hole-ish). Whatever the case, if you know how I love and how deeply I care, I’ve never been able to understand how that can be dismissed or played-down or negated. There are so many people in the world that don’t give a damn others, so when someone actually GENUINELY effs with you, why wouldn’t you want to hold that very, very close?

I’ve been in a couple situations where I reluctantly break down and open that “emotional door” and, let me thiiiink…..yeah, it’s been unappreciated every time, I think. Or maybe under-appreciated. Back in the day, I’d just play the tough role and dish back the indifference I was being given. As I’ve grown older, and learned that people cannot read minds, I’ve started to simply tell people how I feel so that they’re aware. I just lay my cards out. Very recently I’ve learned even THIS aint enough, because sometimes talk is just talk. We all know talk can be very cheap. I’ll say something, but because of my loyal nature, I’ll still stick in a situation. But even the Bible says, “Faith without works is dead.” A little out of context, but I’m basically saying that action is often required to make talking more effective.

Now I’ve got to graduate from being a “Talker” to “Requirer.” If someone isn’t willing to go hard for me, I will not go hard for them. If someone can’t respect me & my feelings, I will not stick around or entertain that. If someone is incapable of loving and caring for me the way I want and need, I won’t keep giving them energy. I’m not gonna lose my love or passion at all, but while I’m giving this energy to people who don’t want it/can’t take it/don’t deserve it, I’m missing out on other things. And that aint gangsta I am now requiring reciprocation. I feel my life moving me in a totally new and exciting direction, and if I plan on really REALLY taking off, I’ve got to change the way I’ve been doing things. I’ve done pretty well in all aspects of life except cultivating my personal relationships. Ignoring stuff didn’t work. Talking doesn’t always work. So let’s try out requirements. I know I’ve got a heart that’s way too valuable and precious to be wondering, “Why don’t they get it?” By the same token, the ones that DO get it and that have remained in my corner, I’ve gotta get much better at letting them know I recognize and make sure THEIR love is reciprocated by me.

They say the definition of insanity is continuously doing something the same way and expecting a different result. Obviously, I need to switch something up across the board. That’s exactly what the plan is.

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It’s Amazin’, So Amazin’

I aint even gonna watch this video first before I post it. I am THAT confident that it’s hot. Kanye never lets me down, so here goes….the new video for “Amazing” featuring Young Jeezy. Love the song, love the album, love everything about ‘Ye. Sidebar: his chick Amber Rose, by the way, is pretty damn amazing, too.

01

TatTatTatted UP!

So yesterday I semi-randomly ended up in the tattoo shop with Crystal and Nycole after a beautiful morning of sunning by Cry’s pool.  I was attempting to sweat out my cold (mission failed!), but we had a great time anyway.  The talk turned to tattoos – me and Crys both have quite a few – and she suggested we head down to her favorite spot Liberty Tattoo.  I knew I wanted to get a ribcage tatt, but had been a little afraid.  All of my other tatts are fairly small and I knew I wanted a big piece.  After a Stoli and Lemonade (you know, to help sweat out the cold and er’thang!), I was ready to go for it.

Being silly to lighten the mood

Nope, it didn't feel good, but I'm a soldier! I eat pain like candy!

And roooolllll video:

The end result, a ribcage tat that reads VICTORIOUS! (think Biggie…”She is, she is…VICTORIOUS!”) Loves it. And Bill was hellllla fast. The whole thing probably took 30 minutes. If it had taken longer, I may have wanted to punk out, lol. So if you’re in the Atlanta area and looking to get inked, check out Liberty Tattoo @ 755 Ponce de Leon Ave. I heavily co-sign it.

01

Diddy Bop

Diddy’s back…whatchu think about that?  I’ve always been a fan of him (him…the person and most of the time as an artist), and I can dig this.  Bet it’ll bang in the club. One thing’s for damn sure, dude knows how to stay relevant.  I aint even mad.

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Luuuuvs This

This is one of my jams at the moment. I actually have quite a few of them, but this is real spring/summertime fresh.  It feels so appropriate and accurate (lol). This is “Your Heels” off Day 26’s new album Forever In A Day, which by the way, is a really really good album. I have to admit, I didn’t think I’d like it, and I think I like every song but one. Good stuff, guys!

01

Body Update!

So, I didn’t work out yesterday because I was sick. I’m still sick today (blech!) but at least I was able to do a light workout…I walked (lol, like a little ole mall-walker) 2 miles in the beautiful sunshine, ended up sneezing my life away as a result, and then did 45 minutes of Pilates and 15 minutes of abs. I don’t wanna get off track, so I had to do something, ya dig? Here’s Week 3’s progress:

Lol...I can't resist making weird faces!

yeah, man...

It’s still a nice lil layer of fat over me…sux cause I know men in “real life” like that but that’ll come off with more cardio. The bright spot is the muscle memory has kicked in and it’s on like _______ (insert clever metaphor here). Getting ready for vacay, ready for summertime pool parties, ready for video shoots. Bring it, shawty!

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Just another manic…Sunday?

Yesterday was a day, indeed. Whew! I went to late service and then headed to Barnes and Noble to get some reads (I still love to read, yup!). I was thinking, “I’ll be on my calm-grown-woman-ish today.” Yeah, that didn’t last long. After a visit to the nail shop to get primped for the parties I was attending that night, I went home, got dressed and headed downtown to the Tyler Perry movie wrap party. It was at a really cool spot and of course I invited the homies.

Us and Mr. Perry

Continue Reading

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It’s the God in me!

Happy Sunday! My favorite gals, Mary Mary, have a new video for one of my favorite songs on their new album, The Sound. It features Kierra Sheard and about 100 celebs in the video I like how they included a bunch of different types of people, not just “the Gaawwwdly!” I was a having a discussion with someone the other day & I was saying just ’cause a person doesn’t wear skirts to their ankles, abstain from a drink, a party, etc, and spout Bible verses all day, everyday, it doesn’t mean that God isn’t in them. Different strokes, folks. Anyway, here it is. Enjoy.

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The best thing…

Slowly, I’m becoming a makeup fan. One of the coolest things I’ve bought lately, cosmetics wise, is this primer by Too Faced called Shadow Insurance.

I have fairly oily skin, so when I wear shadows and alot of liner, it all tends to crease, run, or completely disappear! This primer boast that it can make your shadow withstand anything all day and it makes the pigments in the shadow “pop.” I was super-skeptical, and at $17 for that little tube, I was a little wary. BUT MAN! My shadow is banging all day. Great find! I highly recommend it to anyone who either has oily skin or just loves bright, vibrant colors. Good ish, Too Faced! Oh, and for anyone who’s ever asked me what I do to my skin to make it glow and look so “she-doesn’t-wear-makeup-but-has-great-skin”….I use Too Faced Sun Bunny Bronzer. Been rockin’ with that for, like, 5 years now. You can find both at Sephora.