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Is that all there is?!

“It aint even no fun no more I’m jaded….
Man it’s just the game
Just play it to play it.”  -Jay Z “Allure”

When the flashing lights stop….when the bottles are empty and the party’s over….when you hop out of that nice car and go into your home, take off the fancy clothes or jewels and lay down in silence with just yourself….what do you really have?  Are you happy with yourself and your life?  Are you fulfilled and at peace?  Those are questions that I ask myself all the time, and I’m scared of that answer ever being no.  If you don’t have something deeper in your life than just the “gloss” of it all, you’re not really living…you’re simply existing in an empty life.

There are sooooo many things that have happened this year- shoot, in this past month and even last 24 hours that completely blow my mind!  I’ve been in a really spiritual place lately and if I ever needed confirmation that I should draw nearer to my God, I’m definitely seeing the signs all around me.   Our economy is crazy, racial tensions are still very high (did you all know that another black man was dragged to death on the back of a truck just last week?!), and the most important election probably EVER is days away and I know people who don’t even care to vote (!!!).  And though I know that death happens every single day, CRAZY deaths and crazy life situations have been happening…to people that are presumably living “the good life” proving that anything can happen to anyone at anytime.  Look at Travis Barker and DJ AM, Isaiah Thomas, Jennifer Hudson’s fam, just today- Shakir Stewart.  Man, it all really hurts my heart!  What’s really good?!

I know for me, it’s easy to get caught up in the day to day grind/stress/job/life and forget about 1) Cherishing life instead of grumbling about it,  2) Living your life to the fullest, 3) Focusing on what you DO have instead of what you do not, and 4) Glorifying the one who gives you breath!  I cry, scream, and get all worked up OFTEN because things aren’t going the way I’d like them to…because we haven’t finished this deal and I’ve been fighting for it for soooooo long!  It makes you tired and sometimes makes you question your worth.  The real truth is this, though: It’s great to have money and success and fun, but you HAVE to have more in your life.  Life needs to serve a greater purpose and you have to have a bigger “goal” than just “making it,”…whatever your version of making it might be.  So I have to remind myself that the really important things in my life have nothing to do with the game.  Family, love, and my spiritual well being are the things that really matter and keep me sane.  Unfortunately I’ve been slacking in building up all 3 areas, but you know me, always one for self improvement!  I see what God is trying to tell me….this impending deal and my impending superstardom (lol) is great, but it aint all there is!!!  In the scheme of things, it’s really small.  I need HIM more than all of that.  I need to do a shift of focus and stop stressing that life, and start cultivating my true life.  I don’t want to keep chasing that something just for the sake of filling up the time.  I don’t want to end up “having it all” and still being empty.  I don’t want to reach my goals and not have someone to share it with.  I don’t want to lay down at night and have absolutely nothing but silence and heartache in the room with me.  I don’t want to lose myself to things that just don’t matter.

Even though this blog is sort of a train of thought thing, and I’m somewhat ministering to myself/venting, I hope someone else gets something out of it too.  There is so much more to life than your current situation, and I hope everyone can see that.  One of my favorite sayings goes, “I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.”  Trust and believe it’s true and start to cherish the things in your life that really make life worth living….because your life really IS worth it.