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Conspiracy Theory

It is 1:03 and I’m just finishing my breakfast….lazy lazy lazy!  Actually, I’m just crazy tired from working and keeping late hours.  I woke up to a text at 11:49 and promptly popped out of bed feeling like I needed to get up, get out, and do SOMETHING!  Time was awastin’!  As I stumbled to the bathroom, I could barely open my eyes…these damn (false, individual) lashes were sticking to my bottom lashes.  I looked in the mirror and saw all kinds of….ish….on them.  Yesterday’s bronzer, old liner, eye shadow, and whatever else had fallen into or on them.  For the sake of my eyesight (lol), and sanitation, I decided it was time to take them off.  Awwww!  I’d learned my lesson trying to yank them off the first time I’d ever had individuals…it hurts like hell and it leaves you with not ONE lash.  So I fished out some lash remover the bottom of my makeup bag and took them off “safely.”  The remover still takes out your lashes regardless, just not as bad, so paired with my funny natural eyebrows (that don’t grow out to a respectable length) I looked like a plucked chicken ‘bout the face (Iol).  Whatev!  I just put on my biggest stunnas and went to the grocery store to get some breakfast stuff.

Pulling out of my complex, I saw a winding line at the gas station.  Ok, I’m always one to think the government is on some ole’ conspiracy ish, and the way that this particular gas station has been all week only makes me think it more.  There was only 87 grade gas left, and only 2 pumps had it.  Therefore, there was about 20 cars lined up and jamming up the gas station parking lot, all PRAYING that they could get just a little bit of that 87 (which nobody usually probably gets anyway).  Every other morning for like the last 7 days, all the pumps are full and gas is available.  By the end of the day, they’re down to nothing.  The next morning it’s panic!  The other night, I was riding on fumes and only 1 pump at this station was working.  Two cars were in front of me and just when I was about to get some gas, the attendant came out and said the gas was all gone.  I had to ride around looking for gas and passed 3 stations- all empty- before I found one that had anything.  I think the government’s trying to create that sense of panic.  It’ll probably be this way ’til elections…then SOMEONE will save us from this “lack-of-gas” plight.  Boooooo!  Since when do gas delivery trucks only deliver enough to last a station 24 hours?  Since never.  Please stop.  It’s quite annoying.  (of course no one reading this works for Big Petro, so uhhhh….yeah).

And speaking of conspiracy, uh, is this “recession” a conspiracy?  I mean, are we supposed to be feeling desperate and uneasy due to this impending election?  It’s almost feels like it was all planned and whatnot…”let’s make every one afraid for their lives (their comfy lives) then when November 4th comes….watch, ish will change!  Then you got Oprah, who I’m usually all for, going on her show telling people that in this time of recession, to tip 10% for services, i.e. at restaurants, salons, etc.  ‘Scuse me?!  I work at a restaurant while “waiting on checks” (lolol!!!) and uhhh, if you come to my spot, and I serve you, and you tip 10%….you may accidentally get a drink spilled on your head. =)  10% aint ish!!!  I could write an entire blog dedicated to the art of tipping, but I won’t fully go there right now.  15% is standard if service is good (and mine ALWAYS is).  20% is better.  And if you’re like me, go up even more if the service is great.  I always tip well, even before I was a server.  It’s just the right thing to do.  My last table last night- they tipped 35 on 100 because I took care of them.  Take notes, bad tippers!  Servers are not being paid salaries, so uhhh….the tip is basically the pay.  Get hip, fools!!!  Back to Oprah; how about she should have said if you don’t have enough to tip, order carry-out or, here’s my idea, STAY YO’ ASS AT HOME AND COOK!  Please don’t come in my section and leave $10 on a $100 check.  It aint gangsta.  That’s tacky and you’re tacky if you do it.  Okay…WOOO SAAAAH….I had a moment there (lol).   Maybe I’m tripping, but I just feel all this recession crap is a little forced.  It really just makes me get on my stuff harder, and that aint a bad thing at all.

So on that note, off to write something.  Later….